Outsider

It's a strange/scary experience being surrounded by evangelicals when one is not an evangelical.  I had the opportunity to attend a small reunion of my college buddies a few weeks ago.  We were all evangelicals in college and though most of us earned degrees in the sciences, we have since gone on to full time ministry as missionaries, pastors, working for various para-church non-profits, or even teachers at Christian schools (like myself).  All of us now in our late forties, but I am the only one who is moving beyond evangelicalism.

It did not go over well when I announced my recent theological movements.  A lot of the difficulty came from my halting hesitancy in voicing my evolving beliefs, but as soon as I tried to articulate any particular point of change, immediate pejorative labeling, accusations, and challenges were thrown at me from all directions.  I experienced an "outsider" perspective I have never had before.

As I tried to communicate where my spiritual journey is taking me, I realized just how difficult it is to not be perceived as judgmental or arrogant.  How in the world can one say, "I was an evangelical.  I was where you are.  Now I see something beyond.  Now I see more than I saw before." without sounding arrogant/condescending/judgmental?

I had spent a lot of time thinking about this dilemma before the reunion so I was careful not to actually say anything along those lines, and yet their defensive responses to what I did say made it clear that they felt somewhat attacked nonetheless.  I am glad that I felt absolutely no obligation to get them to see things "my way".  Their "salvation", their joy, or how much God approves of them doesn't depend upon them accepting anything I've discovered.  I had no need to win the argument - no need to point out their fallacies.  I was free to withhold or share whatever I felt they were ready to hear (which turned out to be very little).

I didn't point out the obvious.  We have spent our entire lives as evangelicals in this position.  Evangelism as a matter of design involves sharing a testimony that says "Once I was lost and thought like you.  Now I know something you don't know.  If you would believe like I do, you could know what I know too!"  This is just as demeaning and condescending and yet evangelicals say it all the time.  Some are more careful and tactful than others, but there is no getting around the core dynamics of the matter.

As I pondered the situation, it surprised me to think that evangelism ever works at all.  It is such a turn-off to be talked down to.  But then I realized that "evangelism" doesn't generally work unless the target person is either going through some personal crisis or they are young.  Young people are used to being talked down to and learning from others all the time.  A person in crisis is also much more willing to listen to others in their attempt to figure a way out of their crisis.  I don't know the statistics, but my guess is that most people respond to the gospel message in their youth or during a crisis.  Contrast that with the typical reception one can expect from a middle aged professional with a healthy family life.  They simply dismiss or are offended at our attempts to convince them that we know something that they don't.  It is the same dismissing and offense that my evangelical friends started to exhibit towards me as I hinted that I was moving beyond evangelicalism.

I am dismayed by evangelical subculture's insularity and its us/them duality.  Two examples in the last two days.

1.  An application to become a volunteer worker at a Christian camp serving disabled children (Christian or not), included the following item to be filled in:  "Please list the evangelical church you are attending_____________________."

2.  A pastor thinking about planting a church quoted statistics that indicated that in his target area only 6% of the population attends an evangelical church.

The message being sent to clear enough:  Only evangelical churches count.  Only evangelical churches provide for people's spiritual needs.   Only evangelical churches are right.

I agree that evangelical churches are great and provide spirituality for many people, but it is demonstrably false and a glaringly arrogant error to state or even imply that only evangelical churches can satisfy spiritual needs or please God.